Peace through victory - the American way.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Plumbers Protest Toilet Desecration

News about the misuse of TP's (Terror Prisoner) Korans continues to come out of Guantanamo Bay. In the latest story (click here) a Pentagon report documents a number of instances where guards mishandled the Koran, either deliberately or unintentionally. In one instance, the interrogator apologized after stepping on a TP's Koran. In another a guard's urine stream apparently wet a Koran belonging to a TP. The story does not mention whether the guard is a modern artist doing an anti-Islamic version of the anti-Christian Piss Christ.

What's notable about the report is not the number of incidents of TP Koran abuse, it's the discipline visited on the offending American soldier after the incident.

Meanwhile, back in the real world we're still waiting for Al Qaeda to discipline its minions for beheading innocent civilians.

In related news, this site has obtained a copy of a secret US government report by the Entire Government's Accountancy Department that reveals the spreading repercussions of the Koran abuse.

EGAD's report describes a little known riot by members of the United States Government's Plumbers Union who were outraged at the news a Koran was flushed down a toilet. PU members used their signs, many emblazoned with the slogan, "One Man's Toilet Is Another Man's Throne" to fight the police who had been called out to maintain order.

PU's members have not gone on strike to protest what their union president, Patina "Pat" Porcelain, describes as the "outrageous desecration of civilization's ultimate invention."

Yet many members remain angry at the reported toilet abuse and have found a novel but puzzling form of protest. They have revived the age-old practice among plumbers of refusing to wear belts to hold up their trousers as they bend over to work in front of customers.

The EGAD report criticizes the military for permitting the Koran flushing incident to occur. The report points out that environmental regulations require low-flush toilets in all government facilities. The report notes that such toilets "are barely adequate at removing human waste and government sanctioned toilet paper let alone bound copies of the Holy Quran of the Prophet Mohammed, blessed be his name."

The report also criticizes the actions of the guards in calling a government plumber after 5 pm, which required overtime payment. The report recommends in the future that guards "hold it" until the morning to save taxpayer money.




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